I just wanted to update quickly on a few things.

I'll be at camp all weekend, so I won't be around if it matters.

That girl I spoke of in my last entry and I are currently in a wonderful relationship.

I have two new drawings to upload, both need to be inked.
One of three Zombies, and the other of a Vampire.
The reason they are not inked and finished up is because I lost my pen.

The trip down to the states I had planned with Scouts for May is canceled due to lack of people. I was really looking forward to that so that's a bummer.

There's a bunch of good shows in the beginning of May so instead I'm hoping I can save up some money and go to them.

I've been sewing a lot, and have tons more to sew.

I would like to go on an adventure really soon.

oh, and Aliens and Mosnters are in my brain.

That is all; The End.

So I'm tired at this point.
My buzz is gone.
It's almost 4am.
I still want to get drunk.
And go to a show.
Obviously that's not a possibility.
Least at this point.

I like the word Dayglow, it just has the most beautiful feeling to it.
Even though it's never connected with positivity around me.

I'm very happy with things right now.
I met a girl.
Insightfull and intellegent.
Artistic and inspiring.
Really there's a lot I could type.
Point is she's really wonderful and I'm really quite estatic with how things are.

I've decided to get my G2 quite soon.
I don't want to go back to school.
I desire more and more to just go traveling, I want to so bad.
It's hard breaking through what we are used to.
Especially without disppointing some people.
I don't want to disappoint my family.

Fuck you can't sit on the fence for everything, or anything, or whatever. Fences are stupid they should all be taken down.

Once I have money I'm getting new piercings.

Beauty is in everything.
I can't stop looking at trash.
Everywhere I go there it is.
Direct result of the disgust that is society.
I want to pick it all up.
But there's too much.
I want to Love it.
Use it all, but I can't.

Why do people always look to when life will be better? Life will never be better it's always just what you make of it. How can people not see that?

I feel in the same place spiritually, unable to move forward and unable to move back, stuck veiwing both sides. Sides ruled by accepted perceptions of laws and rules, and a side of absolutes of chaos and Love without anything governing it. Of course that's just a perception of the side. I can't reach the purity, and I can't reach the dirt. ugh.

blah blah blha blha blah blah blah ablah blah blah ablha ablha aolba ;bajh;lblah abljha bbkla bla blabh lbha lbah;blah blah blah blah lbahl balha ajklbsafd;kba bl=aa blha b;ah blah

it's always tihs and that and back and forthing and words and words and words and more words. Everything is just words no feeling nothing more just words. I'm tired of words. Where are actions? Where are emotions? where is respect? truth? where's anything else other than words?

everytime I go out on a walk or a trip then return home to a state of what I'm trying to escape it gets harder and harder to stay comfortable in the environment. It's not that I want to escape my home I Love it; don't get my wrong. Just my home is part of an accepted norm that governs the rules and laws I'm trying to break free of.

I want to take away my sight for a while. Learn to percieve things differently without visual stimulation. Then I'd Love to take away my hearing. And my sense of touch, even my sense of smell or taste. I'm not saying I want to live without my senses but percieve the very things I understand without the means I've created to percieve them.
I know something is cold by touch, can you know something is cold by smelling it? Normally we'd think not, but that's only cause we only know because we've excepted touch as the means to percieve the temperature of something. Maybe if we can break through the governing forces of our senses we can then break through the governing forces elsewhere.

I hope one day to fly. Fly without percieving gravity, not to be in the clouds, or with the birds or feel superior or anything. Just to not percieve gravity and be free from that force, having the ability to fly is more of a metaphor because we can't percieve what it'd be like with out gravity controlling how we interact with the universe.

I don't know anything for sure, but I know everything for sure.
Everything is positive and negative.
Front and Back.
Back and Front.
Left and Right.
Right and Up.
Left and Down.
Down and Left.
Up and Down.
Left and Right.
Up and down.
Up and down and left and right and left and right and down and up and down and down and up and down and left and up and down andleft and right and right and lewf tia fddsjklhgt; dwnewkeekft dnadup and dleft and up and down and right and down leftrightrightright right rightrightrighterihygfdleft and downwodwndownnownd nodwndnodwndnownd dnwodn wodn

what do you think about anything?
what can you think about anything?
can yoyu think?
can you not think?
is it hard not to think?
I don't mean celar your mind.
you think to get there
just not anything?
no because you exist and you need to be active to exist.
least in our minds
because you thought that it would be that way

maybe this spoon can be put on my finger and adorn it; it can come in silver and gold and be pretty or even something not pretty it can be whatever you want it to me. I have two spoons here, one has two butterflies on it, and the other roman numerals. I wear them both on my foot one on my opposite to right side.

there is a ring here that I used to consume some fake cheesecake. I put it in my ear, it was visually stimulated. Made my stomach feel good. I like the taste.

sense is hard to break away from, I know I spoke every bit of truth. But I also know many people will not think so.

I don't need a cure. No body does. We have a physical means of doing things in a physical realm with physical laws. We have the same in every other realm as well, all governed. Can I spiritually use physical laws? I don't know how to try. Can I use one realms forces within another? try try try try tr ytr yrt ryr try try rt ry rtr yr tr yrt ryrt ry rtr yrtr try rt ryrtr yrtrtryrtryrtryrtyryrtryrtryrtryrtryrtryrtryrtryrtyrtryr tryrtryrtryr try rtry I see a wall small cracks all over parts on top parts on bottom in the middle little space little space little space all between each black line created with straight logic of straight light of math of nothing.

I think rebelling against the forces of one realm will only allow you to be handicapped within another realm. I mean if I spiritually live in a physical realm using physical laws but only spiritually without any physical it would be exactly like that. vegatable.nothing happens because I cant type anything when my s[piritual side is trying to run a physical being

I'd Love for someone to examine my words as more than words, because they aren't words.

not nonsense no sense senset sensit sensity sansity sanity
11000010101010111001101011110001110011100011100111
The same
straight
no roundness
square by square
even hours
on time
are linear

Love
word
sense
logic
no
Love
blank space
blankspace
blacnk space
yes

Can you induce anything physical just by willing it so?
Logically many cases support so
Many many.
It isn't logical.
Will isn't logic.
Much much more.


I think I'm done for a while.
I don't feel tired.
Physical realm is tired of me.
I can feel that.

I hope things continue well.
I have good feelings on things to come.
While I can and cannot see them all at the same time.

extemes
extremes
they coexist
but push back and forth

Please question what you do not understand.
Please stick around.

Thank-you
Thank-you
Thank-you
back and forth
how do you thank something that doesn't exist? it has nothing you can describe what is anything


Anyways, for a second I'm going to try to type a few things.
I no it doesn't work.

I must remove myself.

So it's done.

The end.

That's my story for tonight.

Because if there is no removal the story continues.

I will continue it another time.

WonderfulnessofamzingLovingbeautysterligndfallatonce.

I've uploaded a few things that were in my Photobucket, however not all of them have indepth finished descriptions.
There's more collecting dust, however I'm unsure if they will be making it here soon.

Was in Toronto for a while during the week seen some more shows. Heading back on the 20th for more shows and shit. Getting tight on funds again, so it looks like I may actually have to start working or something.

I got my lobes pierced a while ago if I didn't update that in my last journal I don't remember to be honest.

Actually lots of things have been sort of happening, or lots of realizations I guess. Good things for the most part. Meeting lots of wonderful people too, whom I'm very glad I've had the chance to either meet, get to know, or start to get to know.

I've been slightly debating on whether or not I should start to save and possibly move to Toronto in the near future, I spend a lot of time there as is, and it'd be cheaper in the long run going to shows and seeing my friends there if I lived there rather than trained in all the time.

I'd Love to do some more traveling soon, but I don't know exactly at the moment.

Two camps soon, one in the end of April, a Ontario competition camp. Last year our troop won best activity, so hopefully we can again this year. Then in May we travel down to Pennsylvania for an exchange camp. I was going to go to Oi!Fest down there since I just needed to squat/whatever for a week before it was open, however I don't think I can find the money to return home, and I don't feel up to walking/hitching all the way home right now.

Although not going isn't bad as there's a couple birthdays and Toronto shows I'd like to go to around that time anyways.

This journal is all over the place.

So much more alien research, I Love aliens.
Weird coincidence, last weekend, on Sunday, I witnessed some of the attributes that could be linked to abduction, bright white blinding flash in sky, and the like, around 10:00pm. A couple days later my mother sends me an article, about UFO sightings that very night, three witnesses, two crafts, 20 minute sighting. Pretty insane. I put the "abuction" attributes out of my head originally because I tend to well look for things that can be associated with what I want to be real, but after I read through the article, I was pretty surprised that it was the same day, at 11:00pm, so an hour after I'd been around the area. Fucking steller shit; I Love it.

I'd Love to make friends with an alien, and I know I may not be intellectually stimulating for some of them, and I may not even be emotionally ready but the thought of befriending an alien is amazing.

So I watched some horror films lately, as per usual, some good ones, and some mediocre ones. Seen shutter last night, it was so hollywood at parts, but the base story wasn't bad, if they had stripped it down of some flashy horror stereotypes and didn't over act in parts it could have been a decent film. Regardless it was enteraining and I appreciate those who put effort forth in making it.

I Love pocket watches.

I've been realizing more about some friends of mine. About those who I really find stimulating and intriguing. I feel while I'm dropping contact with a lot of people I'm gaining so much more with the few people who may not be around but who are just amazing.

I don't even know what I'm typing about. My body is tired, my mind isn't, that's normal.

I found out today my wallet says Zomiee instead of Zombiee, I don't remember writing that on it, I must have a long time ago, but I never noticed the spelling mistake. We can precieve something to be how we want it and we accept it to be that way for us, even if it isn't that way in reality to everyone else. Our minds shape our world so differently. I feel the worlds I live in anymore, just don't exist to a whole lot of people who populate this planet.

I'd really like to plant some flowers right now.

Inspiration comes and goes, but it hasn't been in my hands and pencil majority of the time. To be honest, my wrists have been bothering me a lot more, drawing is harder. Although that's okay, because when I want to draw I will. Inspiration is so much more pushed into my will however, not nessicary my will to do something, but something it's my will to do nothing, or do just experience the life around us.

I met this really interesting middle-late aged male a while ago, with a white beard and a clown profession. He Loved life, he Loved culture, and language, people, and Love, and the art of conversation, the perception of the world around us, and everything. I now have a place to stay if I ever travel by his home, and food to eat if I'm at his table.
And while I only had established a connection with him for a short time I feel so close to him, and desire to continue speaking with this person. I was very much disappoined when I lost the paper which contained his contact information. But I'm very happen I found it again.

This journal turned out to be huge.

My family is Lovely, I hope nothing bad happens to them.

I feel as I'm falling deeper into an emotionless state, while at the same time I can easily channel any positive emotion if I choose to. This happens a lot, I've lost my anger a long time ago, and it's never come back, and while I can feel sympathetic towards certain topics and my empathy is genuine, I just don't know. I think too much, and sleep too little at times.

I've had many many dreams, and some seem to be playing out. I had one a while ago, that I spoke with my friend and while what I said to them was very much pleasant we grew far apart, and things became very blinding and upsetting. I told this individual this dream, and I told them what I spoke to them about [actually I didn't speak to them about it all because I didn't think it'd be nessicary] Anyways, at first things were fine, and they really still are, but the attatchment between us seems to be growing apart in an emotional aspect just as in my dream. Maybe I shall speak to this person again about it.

So I met another person, they are very Lovely.
Very much enjoy this person.
Stimulating, and attractive.

I feel as sometimes I'm so far seprate from people, because I don't want to become attatched to them certain ways. And while this is very much a good thing as it doesn't take away from our friendship or companionship or anything, it seems to supress certain things between us and I know that I'm not being selfish towards them by supressing them, I just wonder if in the future if it could damage our ability to dig out the supression and allow it to be apparent again.

I Love when sun beams come in and shine down on me. The warmth from something as beautiful as the sun, and the energy it carries is wonderful. It's even more wonderful when it tints everything a yellow orange and blanket of engulfs me and everything around me.

I sometimes wonder what's next.

Making peanut butter with your bare hands isn't possible.
How then was it done in the past.
Or was it not done?
I feel ignorant on something I adore so.

The act of buying peanuts for someone is Lovely.
The act of making someone a lunch for the train ride home is Lovely too.
So many acts of kindness

How do people see so little when there is so much around them?

I was on the subway the other day, a man walked in, holding a coin, repeating not very clearly, almost chanting a request for a monetary substance for foodstuffs. And he stumbled back and forth this his coin, chanting towards sitting strangers who did nothing more than look past him. Now this women who also had no money looked around disgusting in those who just pretended he didn't exist, she mumbled words of distaste towards them all one by one.
I wonder if I'll remember their faces in ten years.

Maybe aliens are already my friends.

When you start something you always feel rich with it, but when it's close to gone, you beging to savour it, and wonder how it ended so fast. You don't want to get rid or end the last big because your afraid once it's gone it won't start again.

Maybe soon I will travel, maybe with a companion this time.

Is seclusion in large doses healthy?
Is seclusion in large doses even desired?
Why is there such fear of being alone?
Being alone can be a wonderful experience.

I hope there's another show in Georgetown soon, I was invited to go spend some time there, in a newly met persons house, with care.

People can be so quick to share intimate places, feelings, words, just intimacy with strangers. I think it's good. I think it feels good when someone shares an intimate space. Intimate words can give us chills. Intimate feelings can be the only thing you see in your world for the time they are shared.

There's so many numbers that put labels and meaning and sense to things that don't need it. Our world is connected by large systems of mathematics that all go from side to side, then up to down but always straight, never zig zagged, never circlular or everwhere all at once.

I wonder if aluminum tabs will ever be under someone who needs them. Or will they just sit in my boxes becoming sticky.

Little pieces of silver can adorn someone and create a sense of free intimacy from the sharer. I haven't shared any little sliver tabs in a long time.

I don't know if I'll ever understand all those numbers that are straight.

I don't believe I'll ever be able to not believe what I do.

Things have been done, and there's no undo button.

It's better this way though.

Very much so.

When you can admit to being ignorant you already have the job to educate yourself. Your never free from the vast amount of knowledge and peace available, your always free from it however and it's always free.

I don't understand how my mind is also so active when my body is not.

You can start a new life, but if you do you'll eventually want to start another new life, and then regret not starting another new life. You will always want a new life until you go back to your first life and realize you never had a new life, you always had your own life. You'll never get away from it and the more you try to the more you'll want to be away from it.

Comfortable with yourself.

Why do we investigate everything? Things aren't always visable, and yet we look for them, search them out, try to find them want to find them, even if we know we can't find them we still look. It's good to learn on the way though. It's easy too.

Nothing is hard if you don't deem it hard.
You won't hate if you don't believe you hate.
Anger is only available if you want it to be.
You'll always have the ability to choose whatever you want.
And that's what you'll have.

Free thought is the most powerful thing in existence, and not in existence, it's the most powerful thing ever. And while free thought is percieved and a result of free thought and a result of perception and a result of free thought and a result of perception and a result of freethought and a result of pesrcuption and a result of free thought and a resuplt of persciuotng and athnoying I want to be typgins will be the tsturth because I want it to be the rtuth and because I deem it to be, nothings is here, but everything is, because I deem it to be, I choose it to be, so it is ehere I am creating everything right now, everyinth is working snad going in ciricules but living and beautiful is happynening and life is too and free thought is precepiving it to happen becsue I'm thingking about it happening and it will always heppen becsue I want it to. flowers will grow and butterflies will fly, and they will never die becasue they will always be alive afterwards so they will constantly die, because they always will afterwards so ti'll never havppen and it'ls always happen and when you look into theist r eyes they';ll be iultimate sadness and happiness and life and death and good and bad and grey and wgite and black and every colour that doesn't exist will be there because I deem it to be and then you will be there, snadn so will I because free thought made it and then you will be me and I will be you but we are aliens planting flowers because I deem it so. And these flowers will grow and there will be butterflies who will fly around and they will never die because they will always be alive because they will always be alive afeterwares and then they will also constantly die because they always will after wards so it'll never happen and always happen because I deem it so, and if you look into their eyes you will see me and you will see you and you will see all the colours that never existed and then one day the flowers will turn into butterflies and the butterflies will turn into seeds and then the flowers will grow and the butterflies will fly and you will be me and i will be you, and there will be the most beautiful feelings that you have ever felt but they will be the butterflies in your stomach and the flowers growing in your heart and then it will colapse apon itself and nothing will be there because I deem it so but everything that never existed and everything that always ecxisted and me adn you and the flowers and the buterflies and the entire of everything will always be in this collapse that will always happen afterwards so life will happen and edeath will happen and you will happen and I will happen and everything that never existsted will happen and everything will happen and nothing will too.

when you start going things seem always so plentiful but in truth nothing really is, everything is short, and everything is small compared to something else, nothing else is ever there however, it's only because you think it is. So instead of feeling like there will be a time you will live or instead of feeling like there is a time that will be better, or more plenitful or bigger or wider or more or more and that's always what you want is more, just live, just now, it's real, because you want it to be, if you don't then you aren't yournot real to me if you don't want to be, but yif you want to be real thyen you are to me, you are to you, and ewhen noone else sees you iw ill because youy are life because you want to be and youaren now and always will be now and forever.

Life is beautiful don't ever forget that.

I just don't understand how people through out time have chosen to hide such things and harm so many innocents behind out backs. It greatly troubles me and upsets me greatly.

All night I've been researching my usual topics, philosophy, cryptozoology, politics, aliens, ufo/etv, hidden agendas, secret governments, and so on and so forth.

However late tonight I was watching a documentary on alien contact and ufo history and it just hit me, this overwhelming sadness and sincerity within the peoples faces, their words, their voices. The way their voices cracked, and the way their eyes clouded talking about how people and aliens have died pushing the truth.
It disgusts me how people can be so brutal towards one another, whether it be our species and races or any other species.

I can admit that over the past couple hours my eyes have watered over things I have no proof to say even exist any yet I feel it within me to share it with you.

I just sort of needed to get that out.